


The Karens, Sharrons and Homelanders of the World.

by Hexworthy



Category: The Boys (TV 2019)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Gen Fic, Hughie centric, Humourous, M/M, Not ship centric, badass Hughie, ex retail story, fragile male ego homelander, semi crack fic, somehow very light hearted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:20:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29092650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hexworthy/pseuds/Hexworthy
Summary: When all is said and done, retail takes a number on a person and when your main enemey is the super powered version of a Karen? There is only one thing to do, and Hughie has had more than enough experience dealing with the Karens of the world.
Relationships: Hughie Campbell / The Female | Kimiko Miyashiro, Hughie Campbell/The Frenchman, frenchie/kimiko
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	The Karens, Sharrons and Homelanders of the World.

**Author's Note:**

> A crack fic based ona convo with superfandomqueen and another friend. I should be doing uni work. gods and hells help me.

When Hughie was but a small child in school, he was constantly asked what he wanted to be. Like any kid the answers started fantastical and matured to be more reasonable as he got older. Now he was in his mid twenties, becoming a dinosaur was definitely the better option than what had actually happened.

He got his retail job to help pay for uni and now? He was taking on Homelander directly after managing to blow up Translucent and yet? Nothing was as terrifying as Susan who always came in, smelling of stale piss and god knows what else, to speak to the manager and be angry because Hughie _was_ the manager. 

Hughie had done his time in hell and became its manager. Homelander? He was a fucking vacation compared to the bullshit his life used to be. 

Somehow, Homelander just wasn’t as threatening when money or job wasn’t on the line. 

The first time Hughie came face to face with Homelander was lackluster. All the anticipation Butcher had built of his awfulness wasted. 

Homelander _was_ awful. Just, nowhere near ‘Sharron walking in ten minutes after closing to do a full shop and demanding that he serve her’ awful. Homerlander had him against the wall and threatened him in some way. Yet, Hughie had heard it all before. 

“Yeah Yeah, you’ll hurt me and my family, I’ve heard it before at least be creative,” Hughie said in a monotone voice that was well practised, dripping with how boring it all was. 

“What?” Homelanders face contorted with incredulity. 

“Look. If you’re gonna threaten me, get to the point I'm a busy man. Places to be, people to irk, you know how it is.”

The small moment of shock was all Hughie needed to get loose as Frenchie took a bazooka to Homelander as they made their getaway. 

Once was a one off. Twice? Who knew. But considering where Hughie was it had to be worth trying. As yet again Homelander was being a dick. 

“I will burn your face off and no one will even be able to tell who you were you little-”

“-Oh nice! So can you do this before Monday so I don’t have to do stock take. I also don’t want to look at Kevin’s face. It pissed me off. Like, its one of those ‘I want to punch you in the face cos youre a fucking moron’ kind of face. Much like yours!” Hughie laughed as he used the little knife from his pocket he used in his day job way back when. 

“I'm not kidding! One more word and you’ll fry,” sneered Homelander, clearly Hughie was getting on his nerves and Hughie was living for it. 

“Im sure of it. But you're not special. Anything can kill me. You. A car. Even a very dedicated duck honestly. Seriously? Burn your face off? Can’t you do anything better you massive piece of shit!” Hughie grinned from ear to ear. He could see the cogs turning on his Homelanders thick skull. Like every stupid self entitled prick he had to serve, Homelander never thought someone would say anything back, or even dare to. 

“You.. I’ll… AGGHH” Homelander yelled as he raged, the laser beams destroying the roof of the warehouse as the supe threw his temper tantrum. With the debris and the tantrum distracting Homelander, Hughie slipped out before the building collapsed as a sonic boom knocked him to the ground. 

Frenchie was there to help him up, his eyes searching Hughie’s face and body for damage, not finding much beyond some cuts from the zip ties and a few bruises. 

“Mon cher, mon Petit Hughie, comment tu es indemne?” Frenchie asked, so native french showing his true feelings. “No one survives Homelander unscathed without giving something in return.” Frenchie leaned in to kiss Hughies forehead and Hughie smiled at his boyfriend.

“Clearly he has never worked in retail, I sold my soul years ago,” Hughie joked, reminded of days without end staring at the same spot.

“I better be at the top of that list then, I don’t like sharing you mon amour,” Hughie couldnt help but laugh at this. “Unless it's our girl of course.”

“You’re like somewhere near the middle? The amount of demons I summoned at work to get through the day is astounding. I lost count around demon one hundred and thirty two!” Hughie burst into hysterics, slightly from all the adrenaline in his veins but mostly, he was fucking hilarious. 

Even if Frencie looked less than impressed, Kimiko would laugh, she was great like that. Their better third was their breath of fresh air and would totally help Frenchie berate him later but at least she would get the joke! 

“I guess we know who's sleeping on the sofa tonight then,” Frenchie said, smirking as he did so.

“No! Frenchie! Why did you betray me like this?!” Hughie begged as Frenchie turned and walked away from the very disheveled Hughie. “ Honey? Sweetie pie? Shmoopsy pooh?!” 

Like the Karens of the world, Homelander returned, and like the Karens, Hughie was sick of his bullshit. 

“I’m here to return that favour, I’ll make you pay you little runt.” Homelanders' voice was a promise and a threat, dripping with poison and if it was physical, everything around it would have wilted in fear. 

“Do you have a receipt for that favour?”

“A receipt?” You motherfucking-”

“No returns without a receipt, Karen.” Hughie twirled a knife, appearing as uninterested as he used to be back in the day. New day same shit.

“You’ll regret this, I’ll -”

“You’ll what Karen? Talk to my manager? Guess what bitch, I _am_ the manager so suck it.” Hughie was very proud of himself for that one. It had become a game to him, seeing just how far he could push Homelander.

And by the looks of it, he was close to a tipping point if the bright puce colour of Homelander’s face was anything to go by.

Homelander lunged for Hughie but his anger made Homelander clumsy and uncoordinated. Kimiko’s rater _enthusiastic_ lessons came in handy as Hughie feinted to the left, hit the solar plexus and jammed the knife into Homelanders crotch and aimed downwards and dug around in the flesh. Hopefully the knife destroyed something precious down there. Not as if it would be a waste or anything would be lost. Might even do the world a bit of good. 

Hughie removed his knife and ran from the alley where Homelander confronted him. Hughie was surprised about how little issues the knife had piercing the suit, like they never expected anyone to _not_ be frightened or fight back. He smiled and kissed the hilt of the knife his partners gave him for his birthday. 

“Go fuck yourself Karen.” Hughie physically spat and the writing mass of supe and made sure his footsteps echoed, being the bed bitch Hughie was.

Homelander was like any other Karen he had encountered. A self entitled prick and boy, telling Homelander to fuck off, was cathartic. Hehehe. Off homelander mush fuck. Hughie would have to confuse his partners with that later. He may not have been what he wanted to be when he was a kid, but in that moment he had shown the most powerful supe who was boss and it felt _great._

In the Vought tower, Homelander was in the medical ward, throwing temper tantrum after temper tantrum. It wasn't a good look. Especially with Annie in the corner recording it all with the help of The Boys. Homelander was nothing but a spoilt entitled Karen and it was time the world learned of the monster in a hero’s clothing. And if anyone were to guess that Homelander had lost function of certain body parts? Was it really that much of a loss?


End file.
